Etiquette and the Circle of Trust

I'd like to ask a very general question about CoT etiquette. There are no right or wrong answers - I'd just like to know what people think on this one.

If you want to (or need to) remove someone from your CoT would you just do it or would you leave them a message explaining why? Assuming in this case that there's been no 'bad blood' prior to the removal (in which case someone might be half-expecting it).

I just do it. By the same token, I don't tell anyone I've added them to my CoT either.

My CoT is mine, so it's not anyone else's concern who's in it, or not, as the case may be.

I only tend to remove people if they have become inactive and usually leave a not to say to drop me a message if they have become active again.

I only remove people (in my memory anyway) that are not active on the site or that write a review that I really do not trust as being truthful. The reason they are there is because I trust their reviews. If I cannot any more, I shall remove them from my cot. When people are away from the site and don't look like coming back, I usually drop them a line in their guestbook explaining that I have done so, because to me it's thoughtful to do that, but that's my choice and I believe it is a very individual thing that people have to decide for themselves.

Ciao's Favourite Member wrote:

I just do it. By the same token, I don't tell anyone I've added them to my CoT either.

My CoT is mine, so it's not anyone else's concern who's in it, or not, as the case may be.

I do the same, don't tell people I added them, if they notice and leave a message in my GB it's up to them.

I don't have a lot of people in my CoT at the moment but when I was around first time I checked on occasions if members in my CoT were still active and if they hadn't been for a long time (at least 6 months) I unceremoniously deleted them.

I don't think some members are too bothered, unless they are desperate for 80 points. I take it that goes as well?

But I would just delete them, if they question tell them they were inactive or something, and that you had to reduce the number of buddies to a prime number or else.

My system does not allow me to add people so I assume it would also stop me deleting someone.

I tend to only delete inactive members, and I wouldn't leave a message either...unless I felt I had a tighter "bond" with that person, if that makes sense...I don't add very often either I guess, so this removes the need to delete many people, as I am usually pretty sure of them first..

I added people willy nilly when i started and now mine is full so I should go and sort it out really but if i delete anyone it will be due to no contact or not being on site anymore, so I would just delete them probably and explain if they pm me.

I used to bother a lot more about this, but now I tend to ignore it most of the time. I will every six months or so have a trawl through and get rid of people who are no longer on the site or inactive (no explanation needed).

I don't tend to add very many people eitherthese days...do people still really bother with the COT?

I check through mine every month and remove anyone who has left, and also one's that have been inactive for along time. I don't tell them, but like Wendy I would explain why if they left me a message. Lisa x

Mauri wrote:

I used to bother a lot more about this, but now I tend to ignore it most of the time. I will every six months or so have a trawl through and get rid of people who are no longer on the site or inactive (no explanation needed).

I don't tend to add very many people eitherthese days...do people still really bother with the COT?

I would generally only remove someone if they'd been inactive for 4 months or more - but you just KNOW the little devils will raise from the dead the next day and reappear to haunt you.

Do people bother? - I think when they first start out it's very important to them but after a while, no, it's no big deal is it. I actually prefer the limitless (and pointless - i.e. no points not no point) CoF on dooyoo. The 100 person limit on Ciao is cruel.

They're always interesting to look at after a meet.

Lots of additions.

Ciao's Favourite Member wrote:

They're always interesting to look at after a meet.

Lots of additions.

I would have thought that after meeting you there would have been a lot of deletions

Them's fightin' words, sonny.

That's the reason for the balaclava I suppose - CFM can turn up and pretend to be someone else and nobody is any the wiser.

Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be... nice!

Good grief, that's a first. Who's Matthew ?

I choose to assume that your comment is laced with sarcasm, Rachel.

Of course dearie, I am not malicious. Just wondered who Matthew was. Actually I got to thinking about how people describe others after a ciao meet and I don't want to be described as "Nice"

Matthew kelly off Stars in their eyes the TV show where people come on stage and are transformed into looking like their favourite singer. How would you hope people describe you then Rachel? Lisa x

I dunno. Honestly I guess without being too cruel about my age. I have read loads of those reviews, and everybody says he is nice, she is nice. I just want to be something different to nice.

If the trust is mutual, and they're still active, I would let them know that I decided to delete them.

However, if the trust wasn't mutual in the first place, I would just delete them without any fuss.

Thingywhatsit wrote:

I dunno. Honestly I guess without being too cruel about my age. I have read loads of those reviews, and everybody says he is nice, she is nice. I just want to be something different to nice.

Nice is good. I like nice people. It's the opposite of nasty. Would you rather be called nasty?

Nice to me doesn't say much about a person and leaves them a bit non descript, like people couldnt think of anything else to say. I suppose its a bit like someone who is classed as "average". I am kind, I am thoughtful, and care a lot about people but am I nice ? Dunno !