HEALTH CARE FOR THE ELDERLY.

I was wondering how many members have had to deal with the question of health care for elderly relatives and how they coped.

Why, are you needing some?

My best friends Grandparents live next door to him. Unfortunately, his grandfather who was a really nice guy has just died recently (about 6 months ago) and because his grandmother is living alone, he has to go over and look after her constantly.
Anyway, it gets him down and he finds it really frustrating. I can't help feeling really sympathetic towars him as he is only 18 and does all the work of a carer - drives her everywhere, cleans, cooks etc.

He also gets really frustrated as she complains constantly (to them and to people that visit as well) and doesn't appreciate the amount of help he actually gives her.

She's probably really missing her husband and feels guilty and a burden - maybe that is the only way she can show her emotion???

Yeah, and I'm sure he knows that as well. I think he just wants to be able to go out more and do his own things (and I know he's worried about what's gonna happen when he goes to uni in September).

Yeah, that is a lot of responsibilty for an 18 year old. My step son (13) stays at his grandma's house every Tuesday night to give her some company and help. He is happy about it at the mometn though and we are quite proud of him.

I'm not surpised - I don't have any, but if my newly-teenage-children didn't mind helping others in their time off, I'd be really proud too. You must be doing something right!

Well, I can't take all the credit as it is his mum's mum who neesd the help, although we do have the boys half the time so maybe 50% of the credit lol

I could never put my grandparents in a home. i would rather look after them myself. My best mate is a manager at a old folks home and some of the things she tells me makes me feel sick.

WendyBull wrote:

Well, I can't take all the credit as it is his mum's mum who neesd the help, although we do have the boys half the time so maybe 50% of the credit lol

Well, there you go then! Still, it's interesting that a lot of children are introduced to caring for others and relatives at a pretty early stage in life.

My grandad is 81 and still fighting fit and healthy, but I am worried about the day when he will need help as he is a very proud man and will probably not want us to look after him.

Sam_Garland wrote:

Well, there you go then! Still, it's interesting that a lot of children are introduced to caring for others and relatives at a pretty early stage in life.

I lived with my grandparents, so the way I see it is that I am repaying the favour by looking after them!

I lived with my grandad for a while too, but I still don't think he would want to come and live with me. Besides he ahs made his life in Peterborough and we are in West Sussex so he would not to leave his friends behind I don't think.

Sam_Garland wrote:

Yeah, and I'm sure he knows that as well. I think he just wants to be able to go out more and do his own things (and I know he's worried about what's gonna happen when he goes to uni in September).

Has he discussed the possibility of a package of care with social services? Someone going in from one up to four times a day can be a big help.

Well, his mum will still be there but she works during the days. I think they do actually have plans to involve social services - to help around the house until his mother gets home from work etc. but I didn't know that they could visit as much as four times a day.

Depends on need, assesment and ability. If you need any advice send a PM my way. Care of the elderly is my field dontcha know! Age Concern or the Advocacy service will give you a more precise idea of what you may be entitled to in your area. If your relative has the funds they can always go the private homecare route too. Care is geared to keeping people at home nowadays so there may be more help available than you think.

Right, well I'll have a word with my friend. Thanks very much for the help, and I'll take you up on that PM offer if he needs more advise. Thanks again.

We set up assessment for my dad when he was ill. It was relatively straightforward and social security were extremely helpful.

Care of the Elderly in the community is where I work as well, although mostly those with dementia and other mental health problems, although quite a lot of the services are put in to help their carers. Social Service assessments are easy and straightforward, and they'll give you loads of info!

Quote :

My best mate is a manager at a old folks home and some of the things she tells me makes me feel sick.

I take it she's doing as much as she can to stamp out bad practice, I'd be worried if some of those things that made you sick were still happening

Have had a terrible time of it with my grandparents. Grandad went into hospital a while back with a prostate problem, and came out crippled, with advanced dementia and with no bladder or bowel control.

He's been cared for at home since then, we've had care teams coming in most of the time but have had big problems with them. One particular carer (after cheerily waving goodbye, saying see ya later, and driving home) made a complaint that Grandad had broken her arm, resulting in the care team being withdrawn and all sorts of investigations taking place. Mum and Dad had to go out of the country for a family wedding and were left right up shit creek, had to get a private company in to cover the period at a cost of over £100 a day.

It's now looking like we're going to have to put him (and Nana) in a home as we just can't cope any more. But the service we've had from people (in the public sector, the private people we hired were great) has been shite at every step of the way, and I'm certain that once they get into a care home they won't be around much longer.

To summarise, health care for the elderly is bollocks.

I understand where you are coming from with your problems. Can the grandparents afford to sell their house and to move somewhere where there is warden control and someone that can cater for their needs maybe ?

Dad had a similar problem with the carers. He was washed and dressed by a lad that was gay and didn't understand why he could not object. They sent a psychologist around to see him who talked so quietly even I had problems hearing what he said. In the end, frustration took over and I turned dads chair around to his good hearing side when the psychologist told me that he was getting no response. He was talking to dad as if he was a child and it was really embarrassingly stupid.

The discussion ended when dad got as fed up about it as me and shouted his anger at the guy for not understanding his meaning. Dad lost care, and we had to employ a private agency after that.

Don't think even somewhere with a warden would be enough now. Grandad will need a nursing home.

Nana is OK physically (although now virtually blind) but is getting worn out from looking after grandad. Spends all day washing, ironing, making him meals, cleaning up after him and so on. She wants to go whereever Grandad goes, so will need to find a nursing home that will take her too.

crispy wrote:

Don't think even somewhere with a warden would be enough now. Grandad will need a nursing home.

Nana is OK physically (although now virtually blind) but is getting worn out from looking after grandad. Spends all day washing, ironing, making him meals, cleaning up after him and so on. She wants to go whereever Grandad goes, so will need to find a nursing home that will take her too.

Sounds like you want a dual registration Residential and Nursing home. There are some that let them share a room too.

dididave wrote:

crispy wrote:

Don't think even somewhere with a warden would be enough now. Grandad will need a nursing home.

Nana is OK physically (although now virtually blind) but is getting worn out from looking after grandad. Spends all day washing, ironing, making him meals, cleaning up after him and so on. She wants to go whereever Grandad goes, so will need to find a nursing home that will take her too.

Sounds like you want a dual registration Residential and Nursing home. There are some that let them share a room too.

Sounds about right. Sharing a room would be ideal, as apparently he is at his most lucid during the night and Nana is normally awake most of the night talking to him.

If you know of anywhere decent in the Surrey area please let me know. Cheers!