Eleven Years Old and Pregnant

If all you wanted to do was sniff it then maybe you should have just got a dog.

My daughter is 11 in a couple of weeks time and is proudly telling everyone about the fact that hse is wearing her first bra not that she actually needs one. Thank God she is so innocent compared with the girl who is pregnant.

I just got back from a family party in Stirling and my cousin works for child protection (or something like that) in the area where this happened. She wouldn't go into too much detail (unlike the luverly Sun) but siffice it to say, she has nothing but contemp for the mother. Apparently the girls younger brother was born addicted to heroin. And she is still saying how proud she is of her daughter.

Nice!

Something makes my blood boil here. When my first husband and I decided we would like to adopt we were told that because I had spent a lot of my youth in care, I would not be able to. That really made me mad because people that become mothers don't have to have qualifications or screening. Sure, I am not completely stupid but not being able to become an adoptive parent because my parents failed stunk.

Thingywhatsit wrote:

Something makes my blood boil here. When my first husband and I decided we would like to adopt we were told that because I had spent a lot of my youth in care, I would not be able to. That really made me mad because people that become mothers don't have to have qualifications or screening. Sure, I am not completely stupid but not being able to become an adoptive parent because my parents failed stunk.

That is outrageous! Did you ever go on to adopt or not?

No, I was refused at that time, and then Colin died so never pursued it.

i'm so sorry rachel, that must have been an awful time for you. xx

Not as terrible as it seems really. Everything happened so fast in my life then and although I felt bitter about it, kind of got on with life. As for mothers like this, it really does anger me. I avoided the thread for a while because I am biased and feel I have good reason to be, and thought that maybe a biased opinion isn't helpful to anyone, but if a mother can openly praise her child at this tender age for the kind of lifestyle that her mother seems to have openly encouraged, there really is something wrong with the world.

Drew, i also read that the boy was addicted to drugs- sick isn't it. I think the boy is only about 9 months old, so what is even more sick is that the 11 year olds mother is still having kids herself!!

I saw in a paper yesterday pictures of mother and daughter smoking pot and drinking.

It makes me so sick that a mother could let her 11 year old do such a thing. Although I read she started smoking when she was 9. It is my sisters 9th birthday today and she is excited opening her new cool toys and dolls- it just seems a world away from what is going on with this young girl.

I really feel for you Rachel, and believe me it makes me so sad to think that an innocent baby is going to have to be brought up around people who look like they dont give a hoot, and yet there are men and women out there that would die for a child.

It just doesnt seem right or fair.

I also see what you mean about screening before you have children....if only eh'!!

It might not be any consolation, Rachel, but I don't think that is the case now.

It is crazy, when you look at the number of kids in care, and the alarming small number of kids who get placed with new parents every year. Councils publish these figures.

Anyway that's off topic, sorry!

I actually think that screening must be awfully difficult with all the press about child abusers, suitability of homes etc., and can understand that kind of difficulty, though in this particular case which is nothing to do with adoption, I honestly feel the children would have been better off in care than being brought up by a mum that doesn't seem to give a damn. I am only going on what I see here on the website about it, and do not personally know of the details, but based on what I have read, find it extremely worrying.

I agree and i am sure that the child services will be in close contact with the child and mother.

Although the mother of the 11 year old hasnt in my eyes done a very good job of raising her child, and i am sure that the 11 year old mother can not cope on her own and it will fall to her mum to bring up the baby, so all we have is a cycle that will continue to go around and around unless someone steps in.

Thingywhatsit wrote:

..... I honestly feel the children would have been better off in care than being brought up by a mum that doesn't seem to give a damn.

My parents used to do short term fostering (20+ years ago). I remember as a 14 year old feeling really incensed that some of our foster visitors were fantastic kids who adored their parents, but clearly their parents did not feel the same way.

We had one adorable and quiet 4 year old boy who came to stay on a few occasions. His mum was a prostitute and had 6 children, all different fathers who were no longer in their kid's lives. (Indeed, some of the fathers were previous punters). He came to stay with us when she was in hospital a couple of times (drugs/assault), in police custody (her work/theft), and again when she 'needed a rest' for a few days. The children were neglected and often left home alone. Social Services would then step in, she would apologise and promise not to do it again, which of course she would....... ad infinitum. Social Services seemed to take the decision that a child should only be removed from the mother in extreme cases so our foster child was in and out of care, only ever on a temporary basis, until adulthood.

My mum heard that he was often in trouble with the police, and as soon as he reached 17 his name started to feature in the local paper for his various court appearances. Sadly this reached a conclusion a couple of years ago when he was found guilty of murder.

I'm about as liberal as you can be in relation to drugs, prostitution etc, but cases like this make me want to rant. I believe that if he had been removed from his mother permanently and had been adopted into a secure environment, it's unlikely he'd be serving a life sentence now.

I know it sounds draconian, but perhaps we need to have a 'three strikes and you're out' policy for cases like this. How can anyone think that constantly returning this little boy to his trashed and incapable mother was the appropriate decision?

As for this 11 year old, I'm afraid I just want to shake her mother for not protecting her.

I can see where you are coming from and do not doubt that your mum was caring towards her charges, and that you have a great respect for her so please do not take this wrongly. The thing is, how does one chose suitable foster parents ? My mother fostered children for most of my younger childhood and everyone said how wonderful she was. She had six kids of her own, and they permitted her to foster so many that she held the record. What the authorities failed to see in this case was that in fact we, as children, spent our infancy looking after kids instead of being kids. I have a phobia which still affects me now believe it or not and is a real bain to my life. I am afraid of sickness, because I was exposed as a kid to a child in my bedroom who would reach down his throat in the darkness and make himself vomit. If I hear sickness, I am afraid. If I feel sick, I am afraid. I have so much baggage because of the authorities believing that my mother was fit as a foster mother, and yet she had no time for her own offspring. How does one chose who are suitable to be foster parents for children with troubles ?

It is a very long convoluted process.

I know I have read about kids who are up for adoption, and the authorities will specify that there should be no children, or some children ok, as long as the child being adopted is the youngest by six years, that sort of thing, etc, etc.

So I think they do take the needs and development of the child into account. They also take into account the support network i.e. friends and family locally, as well as the obvious criminal record checks, three interviews from friends and family, home environment, stable relationship (although single people can adopt too) etc.

With regards to the boy that Jayne's parents have looked after, that does seem to be a sad case where the sytems have failed once again. I do know that taking a child away from its parents is always a last straw option not to be undertaken lightly as the repercussions of THAT will affect many people for many tens of years into the future.

I sincerely hope that a mum of six children under 10 is no longer considered suitable unless they check the stability of the children that they have.

I don't know, not having six kids under 10.

I would have thought property size would be taken into consideration though. While there are natural families that big, most of us don't have a house big enough for 7 or more kids.

They do prioritise prospective parents who can take on 3 or more kids though, so they don't have to split families up.

And if you want a pre-schooler, forget it. If you are not willing to take on children 6+ many agencies will not take your application

Thingywhatsit wrote:

I can see where you are coming from and do not doubt that your mum was caring towards her charges, and that you have a great respect for her so please do not take this wrongly.

No offence taken. My mum isn't perfect, she has her faults - but that's another story

helencbradshaw wrote:

With regards to the boy that Jayne's parents have looked after, that does seem to be a sad case where the sytems have failed once again. I do know that taking a child away from its parents is always a last straw option not to be undertaken lightly as the repercussions of THAT will affect many people for many tens of years into the future.

Whilst I understand that taking a child away is a very serious decision, the non-liberal bit of me wonders if it's something we should do more of. How important are blood ties when you tally them up against a stable and secure home life with parents who really want you?

I remember struggling to be polite to one mother of 7 who wanted to pick and choose her kids depending on whether she still liked their father(s) or not (she kept her 3 favourites). She didn't like the dad of the two we looked after and they eventually were fostered long term. We saw them again a few years later and it was great to see that how well they'd done with a bit of encouragement and opportunity. As we were fairly comfortable and secure, it was a very useful life lesson to have other kids to stay whose lives were, frankly, shit.

I've probably wandered way off topic with all my meanderings (sorry!), but it's a time of my life with strong memories and it had quite an impact.

jayne30165 wrote:

I remember struggling to be polite to one mother of 7 who wanted to pick and choose her kids depending on whether she still liked their father(s) or not (she kept her 3 favourites). She didn't like the dad of the two we looked after and they eventually were fostered long term. We saw them again a few years later and it was great to see that how well they'd done with a bit of encouragement and opportunity. As we were fairly comfortable and secure, it was a very useful life lesson to have other kids to stay whose lives were, frankly, shit.

.

Hearing stories like that make me mad. Some women simply do not deserve to have kids. Unfortunately they still will.

Children are the future.

Sometimes the future tastes like ash in my mouth.

Even younger than me! Although lots of people in my year at school take drugs, smoke, many have had sex etc.

ben100100100509 wrote:

Even younger than me! Although lots of people in my year at school take drugs, smoke, many have had sex etc.

Enough about the teachers!

lol, our teachers were all at it, at the night college I went to last year (Tresham) two teachers were caught at it and all the kids took pictures on their mobiles!!!!

ben100100100509 wrote:

Even younger than me! Although lots of people in my year at school take drugs, smoke, many have had sex etc.

Between reading this depressing snippet of childhood life and learning Big Brother87 is starting tonight I think I will just emigrate.